Bridget Jones Rayne
by RomanceGuru
Summary: Ficlet3: It’s Raining Men. It’s a fight. A real fight! JayneRiverMal Enjoy! P
1. Chapter 1

A Bridget Jones/ Rayne drabble

---

Jayne had expected sweet and simple the first time their lips met. Thought he might even have to give the girl a few lessons to start. The idea of teaching River how to explore his mouth with his own sent his head spinning.

Except, the gorram girl unexpectedly grabbed him one day when they was working up a sweat storing cargo. They were working side by side, doused in perspiration and flushed with exertion when it happened. The girl stopped dead in her tracks and locked her wild eyes carnally into Jayne's. His piercing blue eyes silently answered her fervent call.

River enticingly crawled her way up atop a crate to level herself to the mercenary's height, never once breaking their gaze. She wrapped her slender arms around Jayne's neck and tipped her head down catching his waiting lips with her own. Hungrily, she pressed her warm mouth against his. The kiss was like a slow, seductive dance. Silky flesh chased in and out, each passionately abiding the others movement. Tongues darted across swollen lips to savor the salty and sweet that lingered. Jayne's mouth was aflame when River at last pulled away and smiled serenely.

A sexy smirk encapsulated Jayne's face as he leaned in once again. He stopped just short of Rivers red swollen lips and spoke in a husky tone. "Wait a minute… fancy core bred girls don't kiss like that."

River leaned in closer, her honeyed breath taunting him, and replied with equal voracity. "Oh, yes they gorram do."


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Someone Exactly Like You

Series: BJD Ficlets

Author: Romanceguru

Disclaimer: Joss is boss and Helen Fielding is a goddess.

Rating: PG_ish_

Summary: Inspired from a Scene in the film Bridget Jones Diary. Post-Serenity. Minor spoilers all around.

---

---

---

The sun was setting deep in the sky on Persephone, tinting the atmosphere a fuzzy purplish pink. The air was warm and thick, and there was a constant buzz sounding from the over crowed streets of the merchant planet.

A well-built man attired in casuals and a green cowboy hat, trotted to catch up with a dainty brunette making her way up the cargo bay ramp of a Firefly class transport ship.

Jayne had been trailing behind River and Mal the whole way back from their deal, muttering to himself like some old loon, practicing in vain what he was going to say to her.

When he finally reached her side, she turned and glanced at him quizzically. His heart stilled as she penetrated him with a single look. Those big ole brown eyes intimidated the hell out of him. Although, now for slightly different reasons than before.

Nimble-mindedly, he searched for the words he had rehearsed whilst being distracted by pale, green skirt swishing along the backs of long, slender legs. Oh, yeah, conversation starter. "Nice… um, job wit Badger back there."

"Thank… you." River returned skeptically, a puzzled expression encompassing her delicate features. Gorram, if the girl didn't look cute when she was all confused like.

"I just…" Damn, he felt like a rutting school boy talking to his crush for the first time. "Yeah, well." He tried again. Err! Ain't never had a problem talking to female before. In fact, it was his specialty. Why couldn't he just say what he wanted to say. _I… like…you._ "So. When's the weddin' ?" That wasn't it. Crap.

"Excuse me?"

"It's plain as day, ta lil' pygmy's sweet on ya." God, he was worse then the girl's brother.

"Look, did Badger put you up to this, or is this just a part of your primitive charm?" River grilled impatiently, narrowing her eyes on the large man before her.

She understood Badger had a thing for her; she used it to her advantage to help persuade the little _zha pian _not to screw them over on every job they took, and she detested every minute of it. The skuzzy way he looked at her, the nasty, lewd thoughts that trickled into her mind from his.

Now, Jayne was going to tease her about this too? Even worse if Badger had sent Jayne to convince her, he knew she hated the guy. He probably thought she couldn't do any better. That thought made her feel horrible, and she struggled to make her words sound unaffected.

"I mean, I understand that you despise me. You've pointedly and relentlessly announced my lunacy… since the day I arrived on Serenity, and it's really not necessary. _I_ already feel mentally incompetent most of the time anyway- with or without your reminding me of it, Jayne."

Mal's voice cut over the ships intercom, just as River had finally finished standing up to her bully. "Lil' Albatross, my ships in dire need of a pilot right 'bout now. She can't fly _herself _off world. _Sooner_, would be better."

River broke the silent stare down between them. "I have to get to the bridge. Good night, Jayne."

As she turned on her heels to leave, the deep, husky tone of his voice halted her once again. "Hold up girl."

It puzzled him how the girl could be so confident and insecure at the same time. Didn't she know how beautiful she was? Guess maybe he hadn't helped much in that department. "Um... I'm sorry if'n I've been…"

"What?" She questioned wearily, turning back and observing him now more carefully. His hands were thrust in his pockets, and he was looking at her sheepishly.

"I don't think yer a moon brain anymore," He finally declared, his words spilling out overtly, like a sinner at Sunday confessional. "I mean, yeah, there are still some harebrained qualities 'bout ya. Yer Brother's a pantywaist. An' yer clothes are too big. An' ya let whatever's in your head... come out of yer mouth...even if'n it don't make much sense. I know I tried to sell ya out on Ariel way back... I got stupid... the money was too good." He took a step closer to her, attempting to close the gap between them a little, the physical and personal.

"Thing is... what I'm tryin' ta say _like a total hun dan_... is that, um... I guess... mainly, 'spite our past... I like you very much." He let out a winded sigh and chanced a subdued look at her.

"_Sure_." River rolled her eyes in disbelief. "Apart from the relapses, the ranting and gibberish ... and the pansy Brother and my lack of fashion sense."

"No." He fixed his brilliant blue eyes solidly into hers this time. "I like ya, crazy girl, very much-- just as ya are."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	3. Chapter 3

Title: It's Raining Men

Series: BJD Ficlets

Author: Romanceguru

Disclaimer: Joss is boss and Helen Fielding is a goddess.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Rayne take on the fight scene in the film Bridget Jones Diary.

Notes: I'm casting Mal as Daniel because making up a new character isn't as interesting (or challenging). Jayne has to be Mark Darcy (because he kicks a).

Set up: River and Mal have been dating, but he is anti committal and cheated on her with a companion from Sihnon. Wonder who that could have been?

For curikitten who requested more BJD/Rayne madness!

Special thanks to elsibet34 she always makes my fic's more shiny!

Cast:

Bridget-River

Mark- Jayne

Daniel- Mal

Tom- Wash

Shazzer- Simon

Jude- Kaylee

---

---

---

Jayne changed his mind after leaving the kitchen in a rage upon finding the son-of-a-bitch captain trying to win the girl over with his fake ass sweet talk. A dog knows a dog and he knew the captain would just break crazy all over again. He turned back determined to do whatever he had to in order knock some since into the _hun dan_. Hopefully the '_whatever'_ involved a bit of mayhem.

"Gorramit, Mal. Cargo bay. Now!"

"Want me to bring my dueling pistols or my sword? 'Cause I can tell you now, had a bit o' experience in the manner." Mal smirked in amusement at the seething man.

Jayne just glared at Mal's hand, which was placed possessively on River's small arm and stocked out of the mess. Mal rolled his eyes and followed the determined mercenary down to the bay.

They both stood in the center of the of the large hold, eying one another down like two old cowboys ready to draw at high noon. "There's somethin' I shoulda done a spell 'go." Jayne threatened.

"What?" Mal challenged. "You mean like get the hell off my boat?"

"No. This." Jayne pulled back, bawled up his fist and send it crashing into Mal's face. He staggered back upon contact bringing his hands up to the searing pain in his nose. "Ahhh! _Zao gao! _What the sphincter hell was that for?" Mal shouted as he tried to regain a respectable fighting stance.

"Fer taken a go at my girl is what!" Jayne spat.

"Your girl?" Mal repeated incredulously. "Last time I checked she was sleepin' in my bed!"

Just thinking of the girl in Mal's bunk made his blood sizzle and steam come out his ears.

Just then River, Kaylee, Simon and Wash appeared on the catwalk above. River grabbed on to the railing, peering anxiously at the scene below just in time to witness Jayne deck Mal for a second time causing him to visit the steel floor.

Everyone gasped and cringed as Mal hit the ground. They all ran down the stairs to get a better view. "Ahh! Dammit, Jayne! 'Least you can warn me some!"

Mal stood up and shook it off, holding his hands up in surrender. "Ok. I get it. You're mad. Why don't we attempt to settle this like civilized folk?"

Jayne shook his head in disappointment and snickered. "Was gonna have me a good tussle, too." He turned to walk away since the pansy-ass captain wasn't going to put up a fight when he felt something hard break across the crown of his head.

" 'Course, I ain't exactly civilized." Mal said arrogantly as he tossed aside the remaining piece of shattered crate.

Jayne turned back around, shaking the wood chips from his body, hardly fazed. "Hey now, them ain't kosherized rules." he said cockily as he lunged at the captain and managed to somehow get him from behind in an awkward headlock.

Wash made his way over to the COM and pulled it down speaking into it excitedly. "Zoe, baby cakes, get your cute little rear down here. It's a fight. A real fight!"

The pilot continued to look on in amusement as Jayne and Mal shuffled back and forth kicking at one another and missing poorly like a bunch of adolescences during their first scrap. Wash chuckled before transmitting again to Zoe. "On second thought, I've seen better. But, I must say, it's pretty hilarious."

Jayne and Mal were now wrestling clumsily, lifting each other up and falling all over the place. Mal had hitched him self up on Jayne's back and the larger man stumbled to the ground as he tried to reach back and swipe at the captain. "Ow, ow, ow, ow!" Jayne let out as his fingers twisted painfully in the grating as he tried to balance himself and the man sprawled over him.

Wash had rejoined the girls and Simon and all of them watched on in morbid fascination. "Who's side are we on?' he enlivened.

"Jayne's!" Kaylee and Simon both exclaimed.

"It's plain as day." Kaylee affirmed. "_Jayne _ain't gone and poked 'round with some companion from Sihnon." Stressed the mechanic.

"Plus the ape man went against his Neanderthal tendencies by telling my sister he likes her just as she is."

"Yes, but he also has a preference towards cheap women and tried to sell my brain back to the alliance." River stated insightfully.

"Good point. It's a tough one to call," avowed Wash.

The men were now holding on tight while palming one another full on in the face, attempting to push one another's head back. Jayne's brut force overpowered Mal as he pushed them out the cargo bay ramp onto the docks below where a crowed had gathered. Mal tripped back onto a venders cart - as Jayne continued to smash his face back - scattering merchandise everywhere. "Sorry 'bout that. Just a minor disagreement among thieves." Mal muttered to the vendor before wielding his foot up into Jayne's man parts.

The mercenary reeled back in agony as Mal lashed his boot again into the big guys chest, sending him sprawling headfirst into another cart.

Jayne pushed him self up and looked fiercely at the wide-eyed civilian manning the cart. "What? I ain't payin'." he growled.

Mal stood over Jayne panting heavily. "Had enough yet, Cobb?"

"Just getting' started." The man answered defiantly as he grabbed a stool and spun around, knocking the seat alongside Mal's face and causing him to stagger back. The crowd gasped. "You broke my gorram jaw!" Mal yelled as he held the side of his face.

"If'n I broke yer ruttin' Jaw, you wouldn't be yammering, now would ya?"

Mal glared vengefully at the mercenary as he charged full speed, tackling the cumbersome man and sending them both flying through the air to crash land on a whole horde of ceramic pottery. They both groaned in pain and rolled over on their backs for a moment's recovery.

River and the rest of the crew fought their way through the small crowd to find them sprawled on the ground, broken clay spewed everywhere. "_Ji du_." Jayne groaned.

Rolling over, beaten and weary, they slowly began to rise, groaning and straining in pain. Mal removed his coat, shaking the fragments off. "Enough. Alright." he panted, holding his hand out for emphasis.

"Whatever." Jayne conceded as he turned to leave.

"Dumbass." Mal muttered under his breath.

Jayne froze, a smirk capturing his lips and spun around with all his might, the velocity of the punch upon impact caused Mal to spin, wobble and fall hard onto the dock, knocked out cold. Another gasp sounded from the crowd as the thud of his fall echoed through the night.

River ran franticly over to Mal and knelt down beside him, glaring at Jayne as she reached out to place a dainty hand on the unconscious captain's chest. "And you call me nuts! What's wrong with you?" She exasperated.

"Me?" Jayne was seriously taken aback.

"Yes! You act like you loathe me one minute, always avoiding me, and rolling your eyes when I speak but as soon as someone else shows interest, you fight like the head of the pride staking its claim."

"Is that what you ruttin' think? That all this 's some kinda gorram contest? Well, now, think I'm just about done wastin' my time here. Tell the captain I quit when he comes to, will ya?" Jayne turned, defeated in every way possible, and limped out into the night.

River's bottom lip quivered as she watched his retreating form. It was possible she might have gravely misjudged the big guy.

Mal groaned and sat up on his elbows, looking at River proudly. "Come on, darlin' let's go back to my bunk. Folk like us belong together. Me. You. All them cute little bendy moves of yours."

River cocked her head to the side as clarity instilled itself in her mind.

"This is as good as it gets, lil' one."

"Um…" River hung her head down and thought on his words for a moment before responding. Staring him bravely in the eyes she spoke judiciously. "I don't believe it is. I cannot pretend. Fallacy and lies burden the conscious. I need to be honest and follow my heart. It is speaking to me. Telling me what I already knew but refused to see. There is a rather large, callous, angry man in need of this crazy girl."

River got up, turned and headed to go find Jayne. It wouldn't take long. She may have been temporarily blinded, but she _was _a seer after all.

---

"_ji du_." Jesus.


End file.
